


Growing Up, Troll Style

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2593481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>GC: DAVES STUCK 1N SOM3 C1TY 4ND COMPL3T3LY LOST BUT OTH3RW1S3 DO3SNT APP34R TO B3 1N 4NY 1MM3D14T3 D4NG3R<br/>TA: well actually<br/>TG: that might not be completely accurate to say<br/>GC: >:?<br/>TA: i just checked the date<br/>TA: the imperial fleets start drafting all eligible adult trolls tomorrow</p><p>In which sburb is erased from existence, the humans are trolls, and it's time for everyone to ascend to adulthood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Growing Up, Troll Style

Everything was pain. Karkat’s brain pounded against his skull, his muscles felt like they were permanently knotted, and all he could taste was metallic blood flooding his mouth. A smell of rot and carnage overwhelmed Karkat’s senses to the point where he wasn’t sure if he had gone blind or not. The world spun like a dizzy carnival ride, and with a desperate swipe of his arm, Karkat Vantas used up the rest of his waning energy, and collapsed as his legs simply gave out underneath him.

The ogre before him shattered into grist, raining down on top of the troll’s sore noggin and effectively burying him in the spoils of his bravely won battle.

Fifty or so meters ahead of Karkat, John ripped Lil Cal’s head clean from his body with the blood-soaked juju breaker.

The stable timeloop the voodoo puppet had created blinked out of existence all at once. Jade tore her friends from the timeline, sending them whirling into the third wall portal. The window cracked and went dead the moment everyone passed through, and time was reset. 

\--

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--  
GC: H3Y  
TA: hey tz what2 up  
GC: UMMM OK  
GC: STUP1D QU3ST1ON  
TA: yeah  
GC: D1D TH3 WHOL3 SGRUB TH1NG R34LLY H4PP3N OR D1D 1 JUST BL4NK OUT ON TWO SW33PS OF MY L1F3  
TA: thank fuck  
TA: ii would have 2ounded 2o goddamn moroniic for a2kiing that fiir2t  
GC: PFFFFFT >:P  
GC: OK4Y M1ST3R S4SSY 4SS P4NTS  
GC: TH3 G4M3 D1D H4PP3N TH3N BUT TH3N W3 WON BY CHOPP1NG OFF TH3 4NT1 CHR1STS F3LT COV3R3D F4C3  
TA: yeah that2 the deal iin a nut2hell  
GC: SO  
GC: WHY 4R3 W3 B4CK HOM3  
GC: H4V3 W3 H4D TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON B3FOR3? W3 M1GHT B3 D34D… 1F TH3 DR34M BUBBL3S ST1LL 3X1ST  
TA: ii 2eriiou2ly doubt iit thii2 doe2nt 2eem famiiliiar at all  
TA: from what aa mentiioned two me iit 2eem2 liike we ruiined the entiire tiime loop that exii2ted 2pontaneou2ly wiith the puppet  
TA: or 2iimiilarly crazy 2oundiing 2hiit  
GC: SO B4S1C4LLY TH4T T1M3L1N3 NO LONG3R 3X1STS  
GC: W3 N3V3R PL4Y3D TH3 G4M3 OR W3R3 CR34T3D BY S41D G4M3 4ND W3 N3V3R CR34T3D 34RTH 31TH3R  
GC: D1D 4R4D14 JUST DROP OUR 4SS3S 4ND H1V3S UNC3R3MON1OUSLY ONTO TH1S 4LT 4LT3RN14 WH3R3 W3 N3V3R 3X1ST3D?  
TA: that appear2 two be the mo2t liikely explanatiion  
GC: COOL B34NS  
TA: cmon tz ju2t a2k already ii hate iit when you beat around the bu2h  
GC: B34T 4ROUND WH4T BUSH SOLLUX  
GC: >:?  
TA: that que2tiion you want two a2k ju2t fuckiing a2k iit already  
GC: >:?  
TA: about the human2  
TA: 2peciifiically the guy you thiink ii2 cool and apparently dated for a whiile and probably 2tiill have feeliing2 for  
GC: OH  
GC: 1 W4S GO1NG TO 4SK 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: BUT TH3N 1 GOT 4 M3SS4G3 FROM TH3 1NF4MOUS COOLK1D H1MS3LF  
TA: huh  
TA: ok well you 2hould probably reply two hiim  
TA: fiind out iif he2 iin danger and need2 a da2hiing teal tongued heroiine two go catch hiim before he fall2 onto 2ome precariiou2ly 2harp rock2 and 2pliit2 hii2 2oft aliien thiink pan open  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: OK4Y ON3 MOM3NT  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling gallowsGalibrator [GC]--  
TG: terezi where are you  
TG: karkat tells me youre caught in a tree in the middle of nowhere land so im assuming thats your treehousesque hive  
TG: so hopefully youre near a computer  
TG: if youre not doing some sort of wild junglegirl thing that is  
GC: Y3S 1 4M N34R MY GRUBTOP  
GC: WH4TS N3W COOLK1D  
TG: well for starters im a troll now  
GC: >:O  
TG: yeah this is a legit thing  
TG: also my blood color hasnt changed  
TG: i checked  
TG: im like ninety percent sure that means i have to get my ass someplace safe or ill die a horrible gruesome death  
TG: is that correct  
GC: OH Y3S TH3Y W1LL F1LL3T YOUR FL3SH 4ND L34V3 YOU TO DR41N YOUR V31NS DRY 1N TH3 STR33T WH3R3 TH3Y C4N US3 YOUR D34TH 4S 4 M34NS OF T34CH1NG YOUNG3R TROLLS TH3 PR1C3 OF TR34SON  
GC: 4ND TH3Y W1LL K33P YOU TH3R3 UNT1L SUNR1S3 SO TH4T YOUR CORPS3 M4Y COOK TO TH3 BON3 4ND M4K3 4 D3C4D3NT F34ST FOR TH3 W1LD B43STS TH4T PL4GU3 OUR PL4N3T 4ND T3RROR1Z3 OUR P3OPL3  
TG: yeah that’s what i meant by horrible gruesome death  
GC: Y34H YOU SHOULD F1ND 4 PL4C3 TO H1D3  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU NOW?  
TG: it looks like im in the troll version of metropolis   
TG: the old sci fi movie i mean not like the place superman lives though it might look like that too  
TG: jade was always more into superhero shit than i was  
GC: Y34H  
GC: YOUR3 GONN4 H4V3 TO B3 4 T4D MOR3 SP3C1F1C   
TG: how the fuck am i supposed to know  
TG: everything is in your weird ass language which i cant read  
TG: wait im on my phone  
TG: lemme text you a nearby sign  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] send gallowsCalibrator [GC] the file _getting my tourist on_ \--  
GC: WOW  
TG: wow what  
TG: please dont tell me im in this shitty upper class city where every troll has a shitton of cooler blood privilege over me on the exact opposite side of the planet from anyone remotely interested in helping me out  
GC: NO 1 JUST M34N YOU LOOK W31RD 4S 4 TROLL  
GC: 4LSO TH4T JUST S4YS “BUS STOP” YOU HUG3 GOOF  
TG: oh  
TG: okay give me a second  
TG: ill just take a whole buttload of pics and then send them to you  
GC: OK4Y  
GC: 4ND DONT W4ST3 TOO MUCH T1M3 TRY1NG TO T4K3 TH3 P3RF3CT S3LF13  
TG: thats not even a problem all i take are perfect pictures  
TG: brb  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] became an idle troll--

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--  
GC: D4V3S STUCK 1N SOM3 C1TY 4ND COMPL3T3LY LOST BUT OTH3RW1S3 DO3SNT 4PP34R TO B3 1N 4NY 1MM3D14T3 D4NG3R  
TA: well actually  
TA: that miight not be completely accurate to 2ay  
GC: >:?  
TA: ii ju2t checked the date  
TA: the iimperiial fleet2 2tart draftiing all eliigiible adult troll2 tomorrow  
TA: …  
TA: gc?  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] became an idle troll—  
TA: terezi calm down we still got like twelve hours  
TA: just contact john or karkat or something im sure one of them is already working on some sort of plan  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]--  
GC: 4UR30TON  
TA: huh??  
GC: TH4TS TH3 C1TY D4V3 1S 1N  
GC: 1TS ONLY 4 TWO HOUR TR41N R1D3 FROM YOUR C1TY  
TA: oh  
TA: ii gue22 thii2 mean2 iim goiing two piick hiim up  
GC: H3LL M33T YOU 4T TH3 B1STRO 4CROSS TH3 STR33T FROM TH3 TR41N ST4T1ON 1N TWO 4ND 4 H4LF HOURS  
TA: the traiin 2tatiion ii2 liike a forty miinute walk from here  
GC: B3TT3R RUN TH3N  
GC: >:]  
\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off--  



End file.
